To Vision Quest or not to Vision Quest
Trying to Listen to my Heart and Gut
“What does your heart or gut say?” she asks.
“I’m so cerebral. My mind is so loud; I can’t hear them,” I reply.
This was a conversation yesterday, and it’s so true. My mind has an insatiable need for information and exercise. I know I’m not alone in my desire to turn it off, and for the briefest of moments, I’ve experienced it in meditation and with the help of plants. Those experiences are sheer bliss, but my brain immediately takes over. It tries to hold onto the encounter, record it, and capture the “recipe” to refer to later.
This busy little brain has been in charge far too long.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m on my annual spiritual pilgrimage. It starts at the fall equinox and goes until the winter solstice. It’s a time of deep introspection and exploration of the mystical force of Love/Life (aka God). Part of my plan this year is to go into the wilderness in solitude for four days over Thanksgiving. I’ve rented a treehouse in the middle of a 300-acre forest next to a small lake. I intend to completely disconnect, be silent and fast. It’s a vision quest of sorts.
I met with a spiritual guide yesterday, who helped me better understand the tradition of a vision quest. I’m not sure I’m ‘all in’ quite yet. I’m committed to no talking/communication and no eating. However, she instructed to make a circle, mark the four-directions, and sit in meditation in the loop the entire time. The only acceptable reason to come out of the ring is to use the bathroom.
I don’t hate the idea, in concept. However, I’ve rented this place on beautiful grounds. For me to stay in the circle that time of the year would likely require it to be inside. I am not open to that. I want to commune with nature, be on the Earth, hug some trees, gaze at stars. I’d love to be on the water in the boat the place provides. That would be a beautiful place to be at sunrise.
Right now, where I’m at is, if the Universe wants me to be entirely still, the weather will be altogether unwelcoming. Otherwise, maybe I will create circles everywhere I go and sit in stillness and see what comes up.
Oh, Holy Light — please help me shut off my mind so I can encounter you in the fullness of my being.
